First thing first, the answer to the bonus question is "D," but 90% of you already knew that....

Second thing second, this is a long one.  Take it in doses.

Our second day in Vegas started at noon, which is not so much because of partying as much as the very aggressive schedule in Yellowstone and little sleep on the drive down.  After having pizza for lunch – which we financed by borrowing against the value of our house – we decided to do some of the Vegas attractions.  A group decision was made to go to the Mob Attraction at the Tropicana.  The Tropicana thinks itself a throwback to the good ole days when Vegas was mobbed up.  Honestly, I probably liked the décor in here more than anywhere else, which was an understated gaudy instead of an in-your-face gaudy.  Not until this blog, however, did I realize that because it was not gaudy, we have no pictures.  At Caesar’s Palace, however, we have several pictures due to the grandiose Roman style monuments.

Wait...are we outside, or in a Casino?

The Mob Attraction was worth the price of admission.  It is an interactive exhibit with live actors with whom you can converse.  In short, our group moved through the museum/attraction as though we were a gang trying to get into the mob.  We met with “Big Tony” and arranged to deliver a package.  In a nice touch, Big Tony gave us sympathies for the latest unpleasantness at Penn State – a topic I will NOT be touching on here.  We were then interrogated by an Irish cop.  Not sure why he was Irish, especially in Vegas, but ok.  We did not roll over on Big Tony, so we proceeded forward.     

Kati keeping warm in the chilly 110 degree desert

Ultimately we were asked to oversee casino operations and check for card sharks.  Much to Chunk’s delight, we found a cheater who then needed to be handled.  We were escorted into a backroom where a worker asked us what we should do with the guy.  Now, for the record, the guy was simply a movie playing on a wall made to look like opaque glass.  All we could see was a silhouette where two guys were beating on him.  We had three choices: 1) Let him go 2) Break his fingers 3) “Take him out to the desert.”  Me, being the moderate in the group and thinking about signaling games again, said “break his fingers so others can see what happens to cheaters!”  Chunk, being the less moderate in the group, says “take him to the desert!”  In a classic win-win, though, we did both!  Broke his fingers, sent him back to his buddies, then snatched him and took him to the desert.  Like I said, the good ole days of Vegas.  The goon silhouette then took out a hammer and smashed the cheater silhouette’s hand.  I have to give them points for making it interactive and immersive, at least. 

In a final stop, we were christened “made men” and were permitted to join the mob.  In between these meetings were a host of exhibits talking about the mob in Vegas.  The most interesting part of the exhibit, I personally think, was the film they showed on the role of the mafia in making the Godfather movies.  Apparently the mob (Italian American Anti-Defamation League) really didn’t like the idea of the Godfather because they felt it portrayed them in a bad light (i.e., stereotypical).  Hence, they tried to stymie production by pressuring businesses in Little Italy to refuse the movie crews.  This meant they could not shoot the movie on location, which would seriously degrade the movie quality.  The big sticking point was the word “mafia.”  Once the producers took “mafia” out of the script (which only appeared once anyway), things went smoother.  Oddly, the quote “mafia” appeared in contains five other derogatory terms for Italians which were not objectionable. 

The second interesting item from the film was the actor who played Luca Brasi was actually a mobster named Lenny Montana.  He was an enforcer, bodyguard, and arsonist for the Colombo family.  If you recall from the Godfather, Luca is sitting on a bench practicing what he will say when he meets the Godfather (Marlon Brando).  That was not Luca acting.  Rather, it was Lenny Montana practicing his lines without knowing he was being filmed. 

(I now realize that the last two paragraphs may only have interested me.  Sorry) 

 We divided forces after the Mob Attraction.  Kati and I went to the Titanic exhibit in the Luxor.  I have had a slight fixation on the Titanic ever since I got a book written by Robert Ballard, the guy who found the Titanic.  This was on my “must do” list when I started planning this trip seemingly decades ago.  The exhibit did not disappoint.  Museums and exhibits have evolved to the point where they are no longer simply static displays, but truly immersive experiences.  The Titanic exhibit took you from the building of the Titanic, to typical accommodations by class, to the exploration of the wreck with artifacts to depict each.  Some highlights include:

1.       Recreations of the grand staircase (in real scale) and first class promenade at night (30 foot section).  This was really cool, and only slightly cheapened by the photographer hawking pictures on the grand staircase.  I excuse this because it is Vegas after all.
2.       The largest item of the Titanic every recovered.  It’s a section of the hull measuring 25’x15’.  Amazingly, it still has the brass fittings and porthole glass intact.  I had to restrain Kati, who desperately wanted to touch it.
3.       There is an unopened bottle of campaign recovered from first class with the cork intact. 
4.       One room was dedicated to passenger luggage.  They did a nice job displaying the background story of the individual as told by their belongings.  One guy in particular was a perfume salesman.  His belongings included several telegraphs, stationary, memos, and a leather pouch of samples.  You could actually get a whiff of the samples, too, which was a nice touch.
5.       A replica iceberg.  As I said, the museum attempts to immerse you in the Titanic (not literally).  The room detailing the night they hit the iceberg was dark, cold, and had this big chunk of ice probably 10’x6’.  Think about this.  Las Vegas is a city in the middle of the desert, which basically means it is a 24-7 power and water vacuum.  This was not enough for Las Vegas, though, so they decided to make and maintain an iceberg to give us the sensation of touching ice.  For what it is worth, touching the mock iceberg was just like touching a big ice cube.  Who would have thought ice feels like ice.

Casualty free since 2003!

Josh, Becky, and Chunk went to the Mirage to see the white tigers and other animals at Siegfried and Roy’s Secret Garden (which sounds dirty).  I really can’t say much about it, as I’m more an experiential writer.  That said, my impression from stories and pictures is of a relatively large zoo in the casino complete with dolphins, lions, tigers, and other cute-but-deadly things. 

Single and ready to mingle, ladies!  Welcome to Venice!

Our evening plan involved dinner at the Delmonico Steakhouse in the Venetian.  First, the Venetian has a canal on the second floor where you can ride in gondolas while opera singers belt out foreign music.  The place is made up like a canal in – surprise – Venice.  It was honestly pretty cool, save for the hordes of people swarming the canal.  The Delmonico was our one fancy dinner on the trip, much to the dismay of Chunk.  I personally selected it based on these criteria:

1.       Reviews: They were all good, suffice it to say.
2.       Style: Steakhouse seemed the way to go in terms of bang for the buck.
3.       Oscar Style: I wanted a steak with crab meat on it.  I feel justified making this call, as it was entrusted to me to plan events.  If the price is a steak with crab meat, I think the rest of the party got off pretty clean.  My plan, my restaurant.
4.       Will Becky Eat Anything on the Menu?: I thought she would…

Turns out I was wrong about #4.  Josh, Chunk, and I basically had our meals planned before we got there, so we were ready to order in the first 2 minutes.  Kati always asks the staff what is best, which is almost always the more expensive option.  Becky, however, studied the menu for a solid 10 minutes before selecting the filet as – in my words – “the least worst option.”  She seemed to enjoy it, though, or at least that’s what she said.  Dessert was naturally in order, so we got:

Becky: Mocha crème brulee

Chunk: Chocolate torte
Josh: Mint profiteroles
Kati: Banana cream pie
Matt: Pecan pie

Here is the way desserts ended up:

Becky: Pecan pie

Chunk: Chocolate torte
Josh: Banana cream pie
Kati: Mint profiteroles
Matt: Mocha crème brulee

All’s well that ends well.  Except for the bill…

Just Kate and I...and a creepy oversized Venitian mask

Our evening entertainment was a Cirque du Soleil production called “Mystere,” which is pronounced “MIST-AIR” or in French “MIST-AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRR.”  Let me say this first, it was sincerely amazing.  The feats of strength performed were simply incredible.  Guys and gals were climbing up poles using nothing but forearms and shoulders, ladies were performing acrobatics I never knew possible, and flips were done in every conceivable way.  It was without a doubt the highlight of the trip for me personally, bar none. 

A brief note here: no pictures were allowed, but I had to show some in here.  I yanked them off the internet to share with you.

That said, it was also the creepiest, less comprehensible, most terrifying display of whacked-out, drug induced choreography and costume design I ever laid eyes upon.  The “mystere” is obviously what combination of hallucinogens and psychological trauma produces such depravity.  And remember, I like -nay, love - Mystere.  If I had not liked it, I wouldn’t have made it through the first five minutes, or approximately when the faceless pregnant aliens wheeled themselves out while balancing on stability balls. 

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  As we were getting seated and waiting for the show, they had a clown-type character dressed in a tux (no makeup) strolling through the audience playing jokes.  His shtick was throwing popcorn on people (one guy in particular).  We got incredible seats (8 rows back), so we were right in his wheelhouse.  Furthermore, I do not blend into crowds well.  While not exceptionally tall, I have girth and bald head.  It was inevitable I would be a target.  At first, he put some popcorn on my head and made me balance it.  This was ok, because when he wasn’t looking I could eat the popcorn for free! 

He then found another big bald guy, which was simply too much to ignore.  He walked over to our group, pointed at me, and said “you, come with me!”  I’m not one to ignore a clown’s plea, so I complied.  He took my hand and we walked hand in hand down the aisle swinging back and forth.  At one point he put his arm around me, which I did to him as well, because it is impossible to beat a clown at a clown’s game.  He sat me down next to the other big bald guy and played bongos on our heads briefly.  Then he produced two blond wings and made us wear them.  This confirmed what I had always suspected: I am not an attractive female.  Ultimately he left to find other victims, but all said it was a great bit and I am glad I was a part.

That wig felt oddly comfortable.  No shame.

For my actual thoughs on the show, let me divide them into impressive athletic feats and creepy, fear-inducing spectacles.  Here are the athletic highlights:

1.       Guys and gals performed stunts on poles.*  They climbed them in various ways, slid down them and caught themselves, balanced on them 100 feet above the ground.  Simply amazing.
2.       A girl with a ribbon suspended from the ceiling twirled and flew.  I have no idea how she didn’t snap her back with some of those falls.
3.       A blond guy suspended from the air performed acrobatics with a holographic cube, including balancing it on his chin.
4.       Two guys performed moves only the most secure of men could pull off.   The one on the bottom held the one on the top while they both contorted themselves in impossible ways.  The top guy never touched the ground.  This was perhaps the most amazing feat of strength I’ve ever seen.
5.       The trapezes artists looked tame compared to others, suggesting I just had acrobatics fatigue. 
6.       A routine where figures launched each other off see-saws.  For the finale, they stacked acrobats three high by launching them off the see-saw onto each other’s shoulders.  The cool thing was they missed the last one, which made the entire show seem more authentic and real.  The composed themselves for a second and did the exercise again, nailing it the second time.

Here are the creepy highlights:

1.       The aforementioned faceless pregnant aliens balancing on stability balls.  For extra creepiness, they sewed breasts onto them for reasons that still haunt me.
2.       The guys and gals running up the poles had masks on backwards, so their faces were on their backs.  Imagine those running up and down poles.
3.       Occasionally the aisles would fill up with weird guys dressed in colonial garb complete with powdered wigs.  I still do not know what point they served.
4.       Because it is a circus of sorts, there had to be people on stilts.  Because it is Cirque du Soleil, they had to give them oversized, grotesque masks to wear.  One was a post-modern giraffe, the other was what appeared to be the devil coming to steal my soul. 

He followed us all the way to the Luxor

However, the pièce de résistance of creepy, the single thing that will haunt my dreams for decades to come, was the snail.  In an early act of the play, a little girl drops a snail down a hole.  In the next act, you see a huge inflated head popping up out of the hole.  The head, naturally, has a human face.  And it blinks!  In the final act, BAM!  There it is, a huge snail right on stage with everyone singing and dancing around it.  They it moves towards you at a high rate of speed (for a snail).  I cannot describe it, so please look at the pictures. 

AAAH!!!!   KILL IT!!  KILL IT!!!  KILL IT!!!

 I would like to pose some open questions to whoever is in charge of putting the snail in the show:

1.       What point does this serve in context of the show?
2.       Why does it have a beard?  And a rooster’s comb?  And a duvet? 
3.       Are pink and purple traditional snail colors?
4.       Why a human face?  Is it because snails don’t have faces?  If that is the case, might I suggest using any one of the literally thousands of creatures with actual faces?
5.       Ever see The Neverending Story?  That is an example of how to pull off a huge snail without being overly creepy. 
6.       Did you have to make it blink? 

It's staring into my soul...please make it stop...

After cirque du soleil, I went home and cried myself to sleep.

Up Next: Grand Canyon, El Tovar, and Stargazing!

Random Stats:

Hours Driven: 68
Macaroons Purchased: 6
Sinister Snails: 1
Dollars per Calorie at Delmonico: $0.35

Quote of the Day:

“Take Mr.Clean and get out of here, you ruffians!”
-          Irish cop at the mob attraction, probably talking to Josh or Chunk.

Bonus Quote:

“If you mess with me you mess with the whole trailer park.”
-          Classy Vegas T-shirt

*It took every fiber of my being to avoid making a pole dancing joke.