Our final day in Wyoming took us to the Grand Tetons, a majestic set of mountains south of Yellowstone.  We bypassed the popular tourist spots in favor of the more out-of-the-way Taggert Lake.  We hiked out 1.5 miles to a pristine, crystal clear glacial lake nestled in the mountains.  The trail itself was gorgeous as it passed by rushing streams, beautiful rock formations, and some forest cover.  We dangled our feet in the water for some time.  With no leaves to rustle and few birds, it was incredibly quite.  Highly enjoyable.

Josh washed his clothes on a flat rock in that mountain stream

The walk back, however, was a forced march of epic proportions.  Kati and Becky insisted on the 2.2 mile trail back.  The trail started with a leisurely, half-mile vertical climb without shade.  It took over an hour and resulted in a twisted ankle for Becky.  Fortunately, the thin air makes it very easy to breath, as it is rich in oxygen.  We should have known what we were in for given the complete absence of people on the trail.  Somehow we survived, though, and are stronger for the voyage.

Sigh.........another mountain

We drove from the Tetons to Jackson for dinner.  Jackson was…disappointing. 

1.       It was very busy.  The kind of busy that makes you uncomfortable, because everyone (including yourself) is oblivious to other people.  Hence…

2.       People tended to be curt at best and outright hostile at worst.  The other tourists pushed and jockeyed position – for what I’m not sure – with complete disregard for their fellow man.  Now, we had just finished a hike and were dressed in the associated attire (khaki shorts, T-shirts).  We had freshened up, too, so we were unlikely to smell save for Kati’s persistent buffalo poo foot.  We were turned away, however, from a nearly empty restaurant – the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar – because “they were all booked up.”  Maybe they were, maybe they weren’t, but as we left the maître de was busy rearranging the things we had touched (this is not an exaggeration).  We ultimately found a place with a patio where our presence was less offensive. 

3.       The restaurant we picked was a trendy little place simply titled “Kitchen.”  The service was not bad, if only because we actually got service.  Our waitress had a strong distaste for the campiness of the town, which Kati appreciated but Josh labeled “snobby.”  We made it in time for happy hour with half price appetizers, which is an invitation for three heavy set guys to go to town.  We got four orders of the spicy shrimp – two for the group and two for Josh’s dinner.  While the spicy shrimp were excellent, it proved to be the highlight of the meal.  My flank steak was pedestrian, Kati’s vegetable linguini was “fine,” and Chunk’s tenderloin “tasted like air freshener” and contained fibrous material later identified as “parsnips.”  Bottom line is we were all jealous of Josh’s dual appetizer meal.

4.       Normally I avoid reviewing public restrooms because they are necessities and not features.  In Jackson, however, the restrooms were a major highlight.  The men’s room contained no soap dispensers, presumably because the people there never get dirty or produce waste.  Kati and Becky reported the toilet flushed three times while still in use. 

5.       Despite all this, Jackson is truly beautiful.  Surrounded by mountains and greenery, it looks like the quintessential mountain town.  You can see the ski lifts on the slopes around the town as if you can ski right into the city square.  I bet Jackson is great for skiing in the Winter, and will consider returning once the wounds from my last ski trip in 2010 heal. 

These are the bones of tourists who drove non-hybrid SUVs, and therefore forfeit life

We left Jackson en route to Las Vegas at approximately 7:00 PM for a long, 12 hour overnight drive. We passed through Idaho on the way where the speed limit is 75. If I had to guess, the speed limit is so high because people are trying to get through it as fast as possible.*  The problem is, however, large tracts of the road we were on in Idaho were free range cattle ranches.  Basically, the cows roam wherever the cows want.  So with literally thousands of acres to explore, it is natural they hang out on the road.  Kati was driving at this juncture – doing an excellent job I might add.  She took a turn and came face to face with a herd of cattle doing whatever cows do on the road.  She skillfully avoided collision, fortunately, and allowed us to continue our journey unmolested.

El Chupacabra!

On the way we stopped at 1:00 AM or so for gas and provisions in Salt Lake City.  With five people in the van, stops are never – NEVER – a quick process.  At this particular one, however, Kati had a mild-to-major freak out.  Chunk is notorious for long stops at gas stations, in particular.  At this particular stop he had the keys.  Because we could not get in the vehicle, we sat on the curb outside waiting.  While there some Caucasian individuals who may or may not have been partying arrived at the gas station.  They seemed to know the attendant, so everyone came outside and started to talk.  One of them sat on the curb within 10 feet of us for a smoke.  Josh, Becky, and I gave them little notice.   Kati, however, was firmly convinced these individuals were going to “jump us” and “steal all our cash.”  While pacing the parking lot she could be heard saying “Come ON Chunk!” under her breath.  When Chunk emerged an estimated 6 to 7 hours later (by Kati time), we piled in the van.  Becky, though, needed some toiletries, because if you don’t look your best at 1:00 AM, why even try the rest of the day?  This sent Kati into full panic mode.  “You have TWENTY SECONDS!”  “Come on Bec, HURRY UP!”  “We’re going to get jumped, let’s go!”  An estimated 30 to 40 minutes later (by Kati time), Becky emerged and we performed a Dukes of Hazard style peel out to safety.

Also, in the middle of this city, with no visible trees around, a mule deer ran through the gas station parking lot within 10 feet of us.  Kati is convinced it was running from the shady people, too.

Chunk emulating his hero Geordi La Forge

Up Next: Vegas, Baby!

Random Stats:

Hours Driven: 68

Shady People Evaded: 6

Meat Stick Inventory: 78%

Interesting things in Idaho: 0

Renditions of “American Pie”: 14

Quote of the Day:

“No, this is Cowabu National Forest"

-   Kati, as we drove through Caribou National Forest in Idaho, showing obvious signs of cow-related trauma.

*If anyone is offended by this, let me know.  I won’t retract it, but I will try and make fun of South Carolina, Pennsylvania, and Virginia to balance things out.